You Still Only Wear One Pair At A Time…

Most men that I know don’t have a huge shoe collection. Men in general would happily have only two pair if they could get away with it…a pair of sneakers like Chick Taylor and perhaps a pair of black or brown dress shoes with the hope that they could be buried in a comfortable pair. Of course this rule is likely to go out of the window if they have a spouse or significant other, who will brow-beat them into purchasing shoes they would use infrequently.

A recently married friend asked why women need sooo many shoes. After all they can only wear one pair at a time? This question has perplexed men for some time since the burden of giving up valuable closet and storage space falls heavily on our shoulders. My guess it was the man who came up with the phase “barefoot and pregnant” to come to terms with his wife’s shoe “problem”. Now, I won’t pretend I understand this shoe thing most women are affected with, although I do have some theories. I won’t divulge them here cause I like breathing.

My advice to men is to stay well away from trying to understand this strange behavior that turns otherwise normal functioning humans into raging manics when they see the sign “Shoe Sale” or the ones that get touchy when you ask “Honey, why do you need to so many shoes?” The latter is usually answered with a raised eyebrow and a look that makes you feel like the leavings of a single cell animal. Frankly I don’t think most women can answer that question, but of course I won’t wager my manhood on being right.

Somethings don’t make sense. My friend and neighbor Yee, an otherwise quite intelligent and highly capable profession women, who decorates like she lives in a college dorm but whose shoe collection is immaculately displayed…all nice and neat. Or my own wife whose tiny feet have a huge collection of footwear to choose from…in fact she can still wear the same shoes she had when she was ten! Whatever the reason, it will forever remain a mystery to the male of the species. From the poor caveman idiot who nearly killed himself to bring down a dinosaur just to give his mate a new pair of shoes or the confused, put-upon modern man who can only shake his head after being asked to build more shelves for his wife shoes, the problems still remains the same.

My advice to my friend is to suck it up, smile and say ‘yes dear’. I’ve found that zoning out by thinking of white sunny beaches with nubile young ladies prancing about works. At least they are barefoot!